I was hitting a very low point this month, and I went to MD Junction to the Lyme support forum.

There, I have been told an array of things.

Lyme can be cured. Someone knows someone that has been cured already from Lyme and is living fine. We just have to let our bodies heal, and get it strong enough to without the Lyme. Dont believe everything you read on the internet.

Lyme cannot be cured. I am definitely Chronic. I will have to be on medicine for life. That very few even obtain remission, and none stay there. The longest they've heard if 15 years tops.

On other threads, I have read about people being fine for twenty years or longer, and that some people stay there for life.

SO many opposing ideas, beliefs and stories out there. I do so wonder if anyone really even knows anything about any of it.

I know that I want to get better, and that I do not want to be on medication forever, and live in the constant fear of coming in and out of remission for the rest of my life.

I am going to put my intentions in my words, and do all that I can to make my wants realities.

I want to live to be very old, and I don't want this disease dictating my life span or hindering my quality of life.

I am currently seeking out a local support group, as the online groups seem to be full of a million people with a million different views.

I wish there was any kind of certainty.

April 2016

My last appointment with the good doctor this month led me to a series of understandings.

He spoke about himself coming in and out of remission, which makes me think of my own reality and what the future has in store.

He asked me about my relationships in my life.

My partner of two years and I are constantly on the rocks. We are both always so stressed and worried about my recovery.

Lyme is not a cheap thing to treat. Money is a huge stressor for us as well.

We have already put at least $5,000 dollars into this in the last year, and I am still not better.

Lyme has completely destroyed multiple dreams for both of us, and the pain of me having been the bringer of this all grieves me to an excrutiating degree. If I only hadn't gone on that hike.

It's a very distressing place to be.

The doctor put me back on antibiotics. Biaxin. Which makes me feel like I'm on a stimulant at times, unable to sleep. And that horrible taste is always in the back of my throat. I had nausea for a moment, and then it went away as my body adjusted.

Biaxin is sulphur based, which aids me in working outdoors.

Also, when I mentioned the issues with my cervix, and the LEEP procedure that my gynecologist wishes me to undertake, he said to really think about it.

LEEP procedures can cause infertility. They also can take orgasm away from one, if scar tissue is formed.

He told me that at a CIN 3, I can still reverse it holistically.

I really would like to try but my partner is adamant about me getting the procedure done, as he fears me getting Cancer.

"It is your body," my doctor said. "Surgeons don't care about your body, they care about your money."

He asked me to do the research and to really think about it.

It is my body. I am stuck with the decisions that come with it.

I have done the research, and I think that I should attempt the holistic route primarily. I have yet to make a decision.

More April News 2016

With the shadow that Lyme can sometimes create in one's life also opens a new door for positive things to enter as well.

I have been blessed to be able to start working again, at this point in my recovery.

I wanted to work outdoors, so then I'd be able to get sunshine and exercise to boost my immune system. I took up a job in landscaping, and I also do some foraging.

A woman I know from the writer's guild said, "You are SO brave to go back out there."

I answered, "If I didn't, then that would mean defeat."

She went on to say that nature had defeated me by passing on Lyme to me.

I am still alive. I am still functioning. I am still here.

Obviously, I am not defeated.

My future is so very uncertain, though.

Another woman from my weekly writer's guild meeting said that she knew someone who had Lyme. And that I was so lucky it was caught early, because the person she knows is messed up for life.

This made such anxiety rise in me, as I do so wonder if I'll ever end up like that.

If the Lyme will come out of remission and swallow me whole in my old age. If I'll die alone and homeless because of it.

I also have a job instructing art lessons in my home which will work well while I heal up, and be rewarding.

At work, I found out that both my employer and my coworker are plagued by Lyme as well.

The coworker, B., had not yet been treated with antibiotic. He had gone to many natural doctors, and said that he still suffers with many debilitating symptoms. Even after using Colloidal Silver. His diet also remains the same.

Then, the employer, D., said that she had gotten two courses of antibiotic treatment, and had to go through two rounds of treatment.

She believes she is now in remission, and she said that she believes that she has many health issues currently that have sprouted from Lyme disease. She is being treated by a holistic doctor for her issues.

How insane is it that everyone I run into seems to have or knows someone that has Lyme, and yet there is no easily accessible treatment??

This absolutely baffles and enrages me.

I have so many feelings on the subject, that I become overwhelmed.

..............................................................................................................................................