Thoughts and Reflections...enriched with anxiety

My mind, though filtered through depression and the coming and going of memory fog, seeks out ways to create new avenues of awareness for the unknown disease. Had it been more talked about in the high risk area that I live in, I never would have contracted Lyme in the first place.

Had the boy that was there with me that day been properly educated and treated about Lyme, he would have told me to call a Lyme doctor the day I was bitten. He might have even had more of a chance himself had he known.

May is Lyme awareness month, and I want to do something for the community. I am not sure what yet, as I am brainstorming. I want people to understand, especially parents.

It is well known that Lyme can be passed through the womb to a fetus, and that some are born with Lyme.

Some believe that Lyme is the new STD and can be sexually transmitted, because the spirochetes are cork screw shaped like Syphilis and have been found in partners and in families. There is no actual evidence of this though. It is at this point a hysteric assumption with no facts to back it up.

Can you imagine being a child with Lyme, and living your entire life feeling as though that was normal? Having adults and doctors tell you you're perfectly fine when you are chronically ill or suffering from cognitive issues related to the sickness.

Then one day you wake up, years down the road and you are crippled or blind or having hallucinations or seizures, all because of lack of awareness and proper treatment. This is such a sick thing.

My mind races with anxious thoughts on a regular.

I wonder if my own life will be shortened with Lyme. What will happen to me if my immune system gets weak when I'm old? Will Lyme come back? Is this how I'll die someday? From lyme related causes?

I think of my Aunt who had Chrone's disease, who now is in remission. She is in her 50's and hasn't had any relapses.

I wonder what life in remission will be like. Will I always have occasional flare ups? Will I relapse? Will I regain my old energy and be able to continue physical activity the way that I had been? WIll it go back to life prior to Lyme?

Will I ever be able to eat a real slice of pizza again? A warm sandwich on a cold day? Some of my grandmother's cooking? Anything my friends make? Will I be able to go out on the town again and enjoy dinner and a drink? Can I share a traditional holiday meal with my family again?

Welcome to my vault of thoughts.